Santa Keepin It Real

>Dear Santa,
>I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum>kit, a pony and a tuba.
>Love,
>Francis>

>Dear Francis,
>Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
>Santa>

>Dear Santa,
>I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
>your reindeer outside the back door.
>Love,
>Susan>

>Dear Susan,
>Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
>riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
>Santa

>Dear Santa,
>I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
>mommy
>and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
>Love,
>Teddy>

>Dear Teddy,
>Look, your dad's banging the babysitter
>like a screen door in a hurricane.
>Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat
>mom,
>who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me
>get>
you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with
>those?
>Santa